I'll Take Both Please

Life can hand you difficult concepts to try and make sense of.  A young mother with a tow-headed little boy and his dark eyed sister wandered into the Peet's coffee.  I followed their wanderings over the top of my laptop and grinned as the mother procured piecemeal information from them regarding flavor of milk, muffin or no muffin, this table or that one - conversation I'm familiar with.  At one point the brother was trumpeting through an absconded coffee filter as his sister rifled the rest of the display for an instrument of her own.

 

They were obviously good kids.  They needed little prompting to keep the peace, and once seated, remained, and made a good showing of it.  Their visit was short, and of course the muffins were unfinished if not altogether ignored.  The chocolate milk was squeezed dry.

 

What was unremarkable was that such a charming trio was so peacefully occupied on this bright morning.

 

What was remarkable - and only to me - was that this little boy weaving about the tables and chairs could have been me - if my childhood photos are any indication - and for that matter, he could have passed for my son.  But that is where the difficulty came in, since the girl also reminded me much of my 4 year old daughter.  You see, I have a son whom I have never taught to connect Legos, or sound out his letters, or ride a tricycle.  He was taken from us about 4 years ago, even before he was born.  The first light on his little eyes found them closed and lifeless.  We visit a little piece of ground in memory of him and 2 sisters who were taken from us in similar fashion. 

 

Our oldest daughter shares some of this pain with Bec and I. She was young and understands the loss but our youngest, our daughter conceived "inadvertently" and only months after that deep loss, is still ignorant of the loss of her brother.  And there's the rub.  Those 2 beautiful children playing together while amusing me and the other idlers as we sipped our latte's represented an impossibility for me.  If our Ezekiel had lived, there would be no Gianna - an impossible concept to resolve. Nursing and caring for our son Ezekiel, would have made conceiving Gianna practically impossible.

 

Can you resolve such a confluence of thought and emotion?  Bec and I love and crave both of these children yet recognize that we could never on this earth have them both.  If you say that our daughter was God's gift to two broken hearts, I say you are correct.  And you profoundly miss the point.  We want them both. We are human and we want all of the happiness we perceive to be due us.  We have seen both the son lost to us, and the child only made possible by the remaining void.  And we want to hold them both - together.

 

This is a joy reserved for later, I know.  I know.  And yet I feel.

HE IS

Psalm 46:10

Be still, and know that I am God;
I will be exalted among the nations,
I will be exalted in the earth!

Bec here. The Lord reminded me of this song the other day, and I can’t get it off my mind, so I thought I’d share.

“Father, let the world just fade away

Let me feel your presence in this place

Lord, I’ve never been so weary

How I need to know you’re near me

Father, let the world just fade away

Till I’m on my knees

Till my heart can sing

He is

He was

He always will be

Even when it feels like there is no one holding me

Be still, my soul

He is

Father, let your Holy Spirit sing

Let him calm the storm inside of me

As I stand amazed

Lift my hands and say

He is

He was

He always will be

He lives

He loves

He’s always with me

Even when it feels like there is no one holding me

Be still, my soul

Through every fear

And every doubt

And every tear I shed

Down every road

I’m not alone

No matter where I am

He is

He was

And He always will be

He lives

He loves

He’s always with me

Even when it feels like there is no one holding me

Be still, my soul

Be still, and know

Be still, my soul

He is”

Mark Schultz – “He Is”

Of course, this song also reminds me of the precious hymn “Be Still, My Soul” by Katharina A. von Schlegel.

Just the week before we learned that our Glorietta had gone Home before us, I was talking with a friend at the crisis pregnancy center where I volunteer. She had asked about our son Ezekiel, who happens to be a large part of the reason why I am there, and I shared with her how God gave us Gianna just 3 months after our loss of Zeke, and after 3 years of trying for him. During the last half of my pregnancy with Gianna, the god of fear and I had all-out war, and in that time the Words that came to my heart’s aid more than any other were “Be still, and KNOW.”

The week prior to the conversation with my fellow volunteer, Scott and I had landed at the doc’s office out of fear that something was wrong with our baby. As far as we know, there wasn't at that point. She looked perfect and even had a wave for Mommy; but for me, the hours leading up to that appointment were filled with battle cries. What’s wrong with me, Lord? Why can’t I just trust you? We’ve fought this battle and won, right? On and on my thoughts raged.

Be still, and know. . . .

I can’t, Father. I can’t do this again. I need to know what you’re doing.

I am the God of Abraham, Isaac, and Jacob. . . .be still.

[deep breath] Okay, help me be still. Lord, I believe; help my unbelief!

Fast forward 2 weeks to when my faith was absolutely shaken to its core as I held my lifeless sweet baby girl.

What are you doing, Father?!

Remember, Bec, I AM. Be still.

That’s crazy! I want to believe, but I’m not sure I can anymore. Help me!

He has. And He will.

There are numerous Scriptures and songs that our Comforter has brought to mind to salve my broken, bleeding heart, but I’m not able to share them all with you. The verses above are poignant for me because no matter how much my heart—at times—wants to run and hide, the great I AM THAT I AM of Exodus is the same great I AM of today. He simply *IS*. He is our one constant in this life—never changing, never lying, never hateful, never capricious, never vindictive, and so on. He is absolutely good and completely worthy of trust—mine and yours. Let come what may. He has proven Himself above and beyond what He should need to, but He’s patient and gentle enough to persevere until we simple jars of clay finally get it.

Be still. He is.

Voyage

A good friend sent me the verses below early this morning. Since I have had no other inspiration for this blog in a rather long time, I suppose this will do fine as a place holder.

VOYAGE

O LORD OF THE OCEANS,

My little bark sails on a restless sea,

Grant that Jesus may sit at the helm and steer me safely;

allow no adverse currents to divert my heavenward course,

let not my faith be wrecked amid storms and shoals;

bring me to harbor with flying pennants,

hull unbreached, cargo unspoiled.

I ask great things,

expect great things,

shall receive great things.

I venture on You wholly, fully,

my wind, sunshine, anchor, defense.

The voyage is long, the waves high, the storms pitiless,

but my helm is held steady,

Your Word secures safe passage,

Your grace wafts me onward,

my haven is guaranteed.

This day will bring me nearer home,

Grant me holy consistency in every transaction,

my peace flowing as a running tide,

my righteousness as every chasing wave.

Help me to live circumspectly,

with skill to convert every care into prayer,

Halo my path with gentleness and love,

smooth every asperity of temper;

let me not forget how easy it is to occasion grief;

may I strive to bind up every wound,

and pour oil on all troubled waters.

May the world this day be happier and better because I live.

Let my mast before me be the Savior’s cross,

and every oncoming wave the fountain in His side.

Help me, protect me in the moving sea

until I reach the shore of unceasing praise.

From The Valley of Vision, A Collection of Puritan Prayers and Devotions

Recently...

This posting is for little other purpose than to keep the blog alive. It may be that 2 blogs is too much for me. However, I will likely never concede that opinion and just limp this one along. It also may be that I will revive this blog and send it to the top of the list of most visited blogs on the web. Until then...

If nothing else, I can provide a list of notable works of literature that I have enjoyed in the last few months.


***Currently Reading:

TIME magazine - every week, or when I make time to catch up.

The Bible - reading through with the family for the second time. First time took us nearly 6 years at approx. 1 paragraph per night. Currently in the 31st chapter of Genesis.

A Heart for Freedom by Chai Ling - Reading this with Bec. Currently half way through the book. Quite an enlightening perspective on the oppression and modern history of China.

The Lord of the Rings by JRR Tolkien - Reading this with the family. This has also taken over a year to read aloud to Ella and Bec. We nearly have the Hobbits home again. Middle Earth has been saved.

The Prince by Niccolo Machiavelli - If I were anticipating the takeover of a medieval kingdom, I would be taking notes. Does Machiavelli get a bad rap? I wonder...

The Supreme Court by Jeffrey Rosen - Listening to this on audio book while I drive. Fascinating. Unfortunately I should be taking notes - difficult while driving.


***Recently Read:

The Lord of the Flies by William Golding - Basically everything you need to know about the makings of anarchy.

7 Habits of Highly Effective People by Stephen R. Covey - I have so much to learn.

One Bullet Away by Nathaniel Fick - A Marine Recon officer's account of his experience with the Marines and his time in Afghanistan and Iraq. Interesting seeing the battle from such a limited perspective. He limits the reader's access to plans and intel - to mimic his own experience. No omnipotent point of view here. Also no role for Stallone or Schwarzenegger.

The Great Deluge by Douglas Brinkley - If I was to define objective - Brinkley's handling of hurricane Katrina would be included in the definition. Very poignant.

San Francisco is Burning by Dennis Smith - Not sure how I got on this track of reading about destroyed American cities. Waiting for the real thing...

Several others that either elude me or have not been worth my time.


***Failed Attempt:

Crime and Punishment by Fyodor Dostoyevsky - I became so depressed reading this that I gave up shortly after the murder. Someone please tell me if there is light at the end of that dark Russian tunnel. If so, I may try again.

Little House on the Prairie

I looked around the corner of the living room at my daughter sitting in MY chair and realized that she was 3/4 of the way done with her first novel. 335 pages of Laura Ingalls Wilder's Little House on the Prairie.
I had seen my 8 year old flipping the pages 2 days earlier, and asked her to read to me while I rested. Within minutes I was captivated and my short rest was extended. I got to hear about how Pa and Ma built their cabin out of logs pulled from the creek bottoms, and how Mr. Edwards had moved in right down the creek and was going to help Pa finish the cabin and barn.

I walked through the room at one point some hours later and she looked up with wide eyes and said, "The fire was like a wall all around their house!" and then said something about them saving baby Carrie before getting lost again to her new world. As if to allay my fears, a few moments later she reassured me that they had all been saved.

I learned in passing that the horses had been named Pet and Patty by the girls, that Indians had snuck into the cabin, and later that the Indians had returned to steal Pa's tobacco.

My mother claims, and I suppose I have some recollection, that she read this story to my sisters and myself when we were very young. So with what little I recall from at least 25 years ago, and the snatches of expression emitted from my recliner I've pieced together a few bits of the story.

To try for a more didactic approach, I quizzed her about her book a few days later:

So what did you like most about the book?
-I liked it best when they were traveling.
Why were they traveling?
-Because the Big Woods were getting too crowded and there wasn't enough game.
Who is your favorite character?
-Jack.
The dog?
-Yeah cause he's a dog.
Which character did you learn the most from?
-Laura and Mary.
What did you learn?
-I don't remember...
Did anybody change in the book?
-I don't remember - but Laura or Mary had a birthday.
-Laura and Mary learned something about the Indians.
What did they learn?
-They learned that they had built their house in the Indian's territory.
Were the Indians mean to them?
-No - but they would steal stuff from them sometimes. And they had skunk skins on them sometimes. They were stinky!
What did they use the skunk skins for?
-They were hats or to cover their bodies. Because they're bare - you know. At least mostly bare. -The children were all bare!
Indeed.
What did they eat?
-Meat, cornbread, and they drank water. And milk.
How did they get the milk - did they have a cow?
-Yep, and it had a calf. Actually it was bull.
The calf?
-No the cow.
So how did they get milk from a bull?
-It must have been a girl bull.
Huh?
-Well it had horns.

And then I remembered why reading is so important. I really don't think I knew - at 8 years old - that cows could have horns.

Horns, Udders.
Sit, Stand.
Red, Green.
Either, Or.

In the time I've gotten around to publishing this, she has now also archived the next book in the series. The library book bag is hanging by the front door, and I suspect Laura will grow older and have more adventures over the next week.

Uncle Tom's Cabin

Incapable of putting my thoughts into words, I have mused on Harriet Beecher Stowe's poignant masterpiece for several weeks. What can be added to her expose' of such a grim era?

Lincoln is quoted as having commented upon meeting Stowe, "So this is the little lady who started this great war."

If it is possible that you are completely unfamiliar with Uncle Tom's Cabin by Harriet Beecher Stowe, then in short the novel is a tale of the antebellum south, slavery, pride, and pain. An ever omniscient point of view puts the reader into the mind and motive of the slaves, the free, children, aged, poor, and wealthy all playing a part in the quagmire of an economy and way of life dependent on the subjugation of mankind by his neighbor.

From the perspective of a contemporary, Stowe draws the reader into her novel with piercing pleas for sympathy. The story is frequently punctuated by addresses to the audience such as her depiction of Tom on the night of finding he is to be sold away from his wife and boys:

"He leaned over the back of the chair, and covered his face with his large hands. Sobs, heavy, hoarse, and loud, shook the chair, and great tears fell through his fingers on the floor: just such tears, sister, as you dropped into the coffin where lay your first-born son; such tears, woman, as you shed when you heard the cries of your dying babe. For, Sir, he was a man, ---and you are but another man. And, woman, though dressed in silk and jewels, you are but a woman, and, in life's great straits and mighty griefs, ye feel but one sorrow!"

The agenda of this book needs no epilogue for clarification. Though driven heavily by emotional appeal, the force and purpose of the book are nonetheless consistent and, in a word, Christian.

The characters are realistically drawn on the canvas of imagination. Both static and dynamic characters brush through the pages providing flesh for the stereotypes. The static, prototypical, cruel master found in the character of Simon Legree lives up to the debased standard of wretchedness, and indeed fails to find grace in the eyes of the author. Only a moment's flicker of conscience is allowed for such a brute who is ultimately punished greater than all of Stowe's creations, being damned to the fires of hell, skids greased by his mind numbing alcoholism.
The death of Tom's previous master Augustine St. Clare is a different tale altogether. St. Clare who had lived a similarly godless existence, but with a morality the polar opposite of Legree, is permitted to reach out for grace on his death bed, and the prayers of Tom lead St. Clare on a final journey of peace.

A novel obviously says as much about the author as it does about the subject matter. Indeed, this particular book does also, so much so that one could imagine feeling at ease chatting and discussing the characters with the lady who conceived them.

For me, the most impressive characters lie in Eva, and her father St. Clare. As a father of 2 daughters, the young Eva (Evangeline) embodies the 2 blonde haired gifts of conscience I know all too well. How her innocence struck at the heart of the issues at hand and proved a catalyst for hope in the lives of her negro friends. And I shed tears over her part of this tale.
I certainly sympathized most with the kindly yet austere Augustine St. Clare. I envisioned myself in his plight, and struggled to see how I might have lived any differently. His perspective on life and candid nature were kindred to my own. Of all the lines in the book, the one I remember is that spoken by him to his somewhat self-righteous cousin from the North. When pressed to give his honest impression of the slavery dilemma, he retorted:
"I am one of the sort that lives by throwing stones at other people's
glass houses, but I never mean to put up one for them to stone."
I'm afraid my cynicism found a kindred spirit in Augustine St. Clare.

This is a classic literary work that though highly criticized at its inception, will have my voice join the choir of its proponents. There are only a few books which I feel should be required reading for any young person. This is one of them.

It could be tempting to imagine that the raw power of this work was spent on an era that was healed long ago. Shame on us for thinking that its didacticism is now impotent since the Emancipation Proclamation and 13th amendment. The abolition of southern slaves hardly brought about a universal abolition of the slave trade. It is said that today more humans are enslaved than at any other time in history.

The themes of justice, love, honor, purity, honesty, and a pure and undefiled religion are timeless. And, only a fool would say that bigotry, subjugation, and cruelty have been eradicated from humanity. On the contrary, the battle for morality is harder fought and the battle lines no less clear for us in this century than they were for those in the past.

PRA vs. UNCRC Part 3 - So Let's Talk About It

By now you should have read Part 1 & 2 of this discussion...

To be very clear - We are completely in favor of protecting children. Absolutely. However, based on statements from socially left-leaning policy makers, the United Nations Convention on the Rights of the Child Treaty is obviously being staged as a battering ram to be used against the "traditional" family, ultimately harming the very children they want to protect!

So, if the United Nations Convention on the Rights of the Child (UNCRC) Treaty is indicative of a problem, then what is our proposed solution?

Good question.

Ingeniously, some of the foremost thinkers in "Christian" legal circles have proposed a constitutional amendment to secure the rights of fit parents. The PRA or Parental Rights Amendment has been drafted with the intent of heading off the what many see as a critically dangerous trend toward state control over the functions of the family. You must visit their site or an array of others and study the arguments yourself, as that is not the point of this posting. However, I've quoted the following from their site...

The only kind of law that can override a treaty is the Constitution of the United States. State laws or state constitutions cannot override treaties. There is no guarantee that federal statutes could override treaties—moreover, we enter a binding legal promise to obey a treaty when we ratify it. America should not promise to obey a treaty and then claim it is appropriate to obey the treaty only when we want to. America of all nations must respect the rule of law.

There is only one possible solution for the eroding support for parental rights in the Supreme Court that can also stop the encroachment of international law.

We need to place the time-honored test of parental rights, as recognized by the Supreme Court for over seventy years, into the explicit text of the Constitution.

We cannot wait until our rights are formally demolished. We must act now to stop international law and protect these two key principles:

· Fit parents should be allowed to direct the upbringing of their children.

· American legislators, not international tribunals, should make the public policy for America on families and children.

In a nutshell that is the point of the amendment. But there is a problem. Who knows, or worse yet, who cares? I haven't seen any related banners, billboards, or television commercials. Who is getting out the word, and is the communication effective?

I recently attended a seminar co-sponsored by associates of the Parental Rights crowd, where the precious and spirited Beverly LaHaye spoke. Among the topics she broached was the downward spiral of our society. (Granted, this is nothing new.) She claimed that the largely uncontested and underestimated battles against prayer in school, and for homosexual marriage were the elephants in the room 20-30 years ago. No one cared to address them; those that did obviously failed to light up the night; thus, here are those pachyderms stampeding our children today. She made the clear point that we have another elephant in the room.

I agree with her that we need to step up and recognize the tusks, ears, and huge piles covered with flies for what they are. Unfortunately that same seminar, which spent much time on this very issue, sent me away with an ironic dilemma:

How do we communicate our concerns to our friends and neighbors? I'm a Christian and have many Christian friends who will understand my Biblical reasons for opposing the UNCRC. However, there are simple common sense reasons for more than just my Christian friends to become active in this fight. A united effort is essential for the PRA to pass.

In this series of posts, that question has been the foundation for my writing. How do we communicate this need? I respect the ParentalRights.org crowd deeply, but at this point they preach to the choir. In order to get a Parental Rights Amendment signed, we need to move out of the pulpit and into the public. What is preached to the choir will be disregarded by those less inclined to sing. I believe that our manner and tone must be different when communicating outside traditional Christian circles. And, though fear and sensationalism are fine for the media, we frankly weary of the emotion, and that certainly isn't the tack we want to take.

For example, do we think that the authors of the CRC had the undermining of the US justice system, the US family, and the Christian faith in mind when composing that document? Possibly, but not likely just like that, or at least not in that order. So why would we attack the treaty as if that was the intent of the treaty? I don't think we should.

Here are some words / concepts that I think may help us reach a broader audience with regard to the UNCRC...

Expensive.
Misguided.
Tedious.
Irrelevant.
Superfluous.
Waste - in regard to our legislators' time.
Excessive burden on already over-burdened social workers.

Likewise, here are some words / concepts that may help our audience understand the importance of the PRA...

Timing.
Morality.
Judicial indiscretion.
Family autonomy.

Diplomacy is not just for diplomats. These views must be communicated and not just preached. Preaching is what is emitted from bumper stickers, while communication must involve your time.

But then, what good is knowing what to say if we choose not to speak? On May 3rd I attended a Holocaust Memorial Service at Temple Sinai in Oakland, CA and was reminded by one of the speakers of the famous Edmund Burke quote - "The only thing necessary for the triumph of evil is for good men to do nothing." Interestingly, the actual origin of that quote has not been discovered, though some suspect that it rises from Burke's Thoughts on the Cause of the Present Discontents, "When bad men combine, the good must associate; else they will fall one by one, an unpitied sacrifice in a contemptible struggle."

Either way it is speaks to us today. It speaks to this issue.

Action Steps:

• The PRA website has a great page that lays out how to help in this fight.
• Start talking about it!
• We will try to keep this issue alive here at Lamp Lit. Please let us know your thoughts, ideas, or observations.